Rapunzel
by PalindromeIsntOne
Summary: With basically none of the original Rapunzel plot in it, this is an Ike vs Roy fight over Marth in a fairytale setting with funny twists and consequences. Enjoy! -undergoing a light rewrite-
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: May 2012: Lightly rewritten: No major editions, plot or even style changes, just slight grammatical fixes and some sentence rearranging. I return to this story sometimes and find I still like it even though it's simple – the slightly childish narrative kind of suits the fairy tale nature of it. So I thought I'd just come back and neaten it up._

* * *

Marth was combing his hair. No easy task, as it was long enough to reach all the way from the single small window in his room down to the very base of the tower where he was imprisoned. Not that he ever put his hair out of the window of course; it would get filthy against the grime of the tower walls.

He was the son of the Queen of Eloausia and a young knight who was never seen again. The King, in his rage when he found out, had locked Marth in this tower and had never let him go. The room he had been locked in so long ago was his mother's dressing room, complete with five full-sized wardrobes packed with her dresses. With no other choice he had worn these and over the seventeen years he had been kept there he had slowly grown into them, and having known no different he thought nothing of it.

o

Lord Ike sat at the bar in the Inn Catli and drank his Souja quietly. Beside him two men sufficiently past sober were discussing the famous story of the Rapunzels, the royal family that reigned over the land of Eloausia. He eavesdropped without qualms, not entirely sober himself.

"They say the princess is the most beautiful woman ever seen!" one man declared passionately, a bit of spit flying at his companion, who didn't seem to notice.

"To be trapped for seventeen years! The torture!" the other man exclaimed, the first man nodding in agreement.

"And the tower where she is kept is in the centre of a massive fortress, guarded at all times with men crossed with bulls, nine feet tall with horns that can pierce steel."

"That her own father should do that!"

"But he's not her father, is he, poor king." They both laughed at this. Ike finished the rest of his Souja and declined the barman's offer of more. He felt like declaring that he intended to go to this fortress and save the princess but instead he kept quiet, knowing the men would surely laugh at him.

"The princess has long hair, so long that it is the height of the tower she is trapped in!" one man cried, laughing and falling off his stool. The other man just grinned foolishly. Seeing that he was going to get nothing further from eavesdropping, Ike got off his stool and left the bar. He walked around the back of the inn to the stables and saddled his horse. It should only be a week's journey from here to the fortress, he thought happily. And then he would save the beautiful princess, hold her ransom, get millions of pounds off her mother to give her back, and live happily ever after.

o

Marth had stopped thinking about escaping a long time ago. He spent every day much in the same way, with little to write in his diary, the entries for the past year reading little more than 'did the same as yesterday'. At this particular moment in time he was spending his ritual hour of staring at himself in the mirror, and thinking. He always set this time aside for thinking about life in general, speculating what it would be like if he wasn't trapped in this tower. Mostly this involved rather ridiculous fantasies of riding on a white unicorn down a street covered in rose petals as a huge crowd stood either side and cheered, gazing on in awe as he rode past them. Sometimes they involved slaying a gigantic golden dragon, or swooning in the arms of a knight in shining armour. His entire education had been from fairy-tale books, and he expected little different from his own life. He was the classic damsel in distress and assumed that, at some point in his life, some handsome man would come along and try to save him from his peril.

Sighing he got up from his chair and headed into the bathroom and towards the bath. This had to be the best part of the day, he thought, sighing as he lowered himself into the bubbling water.

o

Lord Roy pulled on his black helmet, as ever loving the way the red plume on top of it swayed slightly when he moved his head. Today, he had finally found time in his extremely busy schedule to go out and save the Princess Martha Rapunzel. The fortress was just an hour's ride down the road of Pain and Destruction and then a short walk across the bridge over the Lake of Darkness, through the main door, into the booby-trapped central courtyard, past the guards employed from a concentration camp specialising in torture, into the tower and up the 3052 stairs, and through the door to Princess Rapunzel's room. She would naturally be extremely grateful, and fall instantly and deeply in love with him. And then he would save the beautiful princess, marry her, and live happily ever after.

He pouted and then added a bit more lip balm, admiring his reflection in the mirror. Quite the athlete, he thought. All those hours having his muscles flexed for him in an electrical impulse machine had done the trick. Finally satisfied, he called for the servant.

"Bring me my black stallion!" And then as an afterthought, "And make sure the mane's been plaited so it's all pretty."

o

Marth had just finished plaiting his hair and now he coiled it and hung a large portion of it on a hook on the wall, leaving just enough free so that he could walk around the room and into the bathroom without discomfort. Sighing, he sat down at his desk and opened his diary before writing in a neat, flowing hand:

_I have just finished plaiting my hair. Apart from that, nothing new has happened today._

And then he put down his fountain pen and walked over to the window to see if anything had changed outside. His heart leapt in his chest when he saw a small figure in the distance, just at the beginning of the road of Pain and Destruction. The figure wore black armour which glinted in the sunlight as he rode confidently atop a black stallion, the plume on the top of his helmet bobbing with the horse's canter.

"I thought the armour was supposed to be silver, and the horse a white unicorn," Marth muttered, crossing the room to his trunk of books before taking out the most worn one and flicking to his favourite page. On it was a picture of the knight that saved the princess in the story. Yes, it was _silver_ armour, and a _white_ _unicorn_. Although the red plume on the helmet was the same. Marth frowned. So who was the man in the black armour? A messenger of some sort? But messengers _never_ came to the fortress. What was a messenger anyway? Marth looked through the trunk and picked out a different book. Nope, messengers wore short robe things and sandals with wings on the back. So he wasn't a messenger. Not a knight coming to save him, not a messenger. Marth panicked, walked over to the pipe jutting out of the wall near the door and yelled into it.

"Intruder! Intruder! There's an intruder at the end of the road!" Then he walked back to the window to watch, nervously fiddling with his hair.


	2. Chapter 2

Ike's horse was limping. A beautiful black stallion it was too, he thought as he led it into the horse dealer's. But he couldn't ride a lame horse, and he couldn't delay his trip either. The dealer took the horse from him, examined it, and on agreeing it would soon be back to health agreed to exchange it for any other horse Ike could see.

There were rows of horses, row after row after row. After he had walked down the first row Ike was already bored. They all looked pretty average with chestnut or mottled grey coats, none of them particularly standing out. The second row wasn't much different. Didn't the dealer have any other black stallions? But then, at the end of the fifth row, a beautiful white horse came into his sight. He hurried towards it. Its coat was a flawless white, smooth and beautiful. Smiling he walked down the length of the horse, examining it until he reached its head.

"Oh my God!" Ike jumped, backing away.

"My apologies," said the dealer, who was right behind him. "There were complications with the mother during pregnancy, and unfortunately the skull of this beautiful mare is a little deformed."

"A little! A _little_?" Ike exclaimed. The mare had a large twisted lump about three inches long sticking out over one eye, like a horn. The eye below the bulge was distorted, droopy and sorrowful. He left the horse immediately and scanned all the rest of the rows, but there were no handsome black stallions or any other stunningly white horses either. Ike struggled for a long moment.

"Is she fit for riding?" he asked, returning the deformed horse.

"Aye, she's as good as any. Great stamina and speed, but no one will have her because of that bone defect. I feel sorry for the poor girl."

Pity stirred in his heart. She was beautifully white, after all, and he did need to hurry. There was nothing for it. "I'll take her," he said, and shook hands with the dealer. "Have her saddled, if you will. I need to leave immediately." His black armour clinked as he reached for his purse.

o

Roy balked in horror as he saw dust rise in the road ahead of him. Storming through the thick thorns, slashing them down with blades as long as a man, the guards were coming for him. Wearing heavily plated armour they came; the shoulder pads spiked and the knees also. He began to reach for his sword, but he didn't stand a chance.

Within minutes it was over. Roy was left in the dust wearing little more than tattered undergarments; armourless, weaponless, and badly wounded with deep gashes in his arms and legs. He gasped for breath, gurgling blood. Around him were bits of thorns and endless road. He had to get help. Spitting out a mouthful of blood he crawled forward helplessly, not knowing where he was going. The harsh sun beat down on his bare back. He must look hideous, he thought, smoothing over his hair with one hand.

"Mummy," he wailed. What had gone wrong? This saving princess business was supposed to be _easy_.

o

Marth watched as the guards barged their way through the thorns. Those thorns took _two_ _years_ to grow that thick. For all the guards' fighting technique they couldn't half be thick sometimes. He sighed. Did he even want to be saved from this tower anyway? It was luxurious and had a double bed and a large bath, a maid who brought him delicious food three times a day, and plenty of dresses and accessories for him to amuse himself playing dress-up for some years yet. To put it plainly: he had got used to it, and the thought of leaving his highly protected tower actually scared him a little bit. No, he was perfectly contented as he was.

o

Ike rode his newly acquired horse with a touch of shame. People were always looking at that horrible bulge above its eye and he wished he'd gone for an ordinary horse instead. But now, after a week of going from inn to inn, he had almost reached the beginning of the road of Pain and Destruction. He sat up straighter in the saddle, and then realised by doing so that there was something wrong with his armour. Worried, he drew the horse to a halt and pulled off the chest plate to look at it. The hinges at the shoulders looked like they had loosened almost to the point of falling apart. Well that wouldn't do. He swung his leg over and dropped to the ground. Just as well he'd brought a spare set of armour just in case something like this happened. But it was such a shame – the black set was so amazingly shiny and striking, never failing to turn heads. His other set was a standard silver, good enough for a _knight_, perhaps, but not really for him, a _lord._ At least it still had the red plume on top of the silver helmet. There was nothing for it. Annoyed that both his stunning black stallion and his stunning black armour had fallen through, he changed into the silver armour and got back into the saddle. The road lay before him, a promise of happily ever after. With a battle cry, he urged his horse into a gallop and raced towards it.

There was something wrong with the road of Pain and Destruction. For a moment Ike struggled to pinpoint it, and then he remembered. There were meant to be thorns blocking this road, thorns so thick and dense they were impossible to cut through even with a sharp saw. Thorns that ripped through armour and skin as easy as paper. But there were none blocking his path. There were, however, plenty _either side_ of the path, but only bits of thorns lay across the centre – bits which his horse could simply step over. Strange. Maybe someone had decided to finally get round to some gardening. The fortress could certainly do with some – it was so dark and looming that some flowers were definitely in order to brighten things up a bit. Lying to one side of the path Ike suddenly saw a man in tattered undergarments, badly bleeding. He seemed to be crawling in the direction of the castle. Perhaps he was the gardener, and had gotten badly wounded by the thorns whilst pruning. Ike dismounted and helped the man to his feet.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "Are you the gardener?"

"Armour… beat me…" the man gasped, barely able to hold himself upright.

"They took your armour? Who? Why did they beat you?"

"Guards... attack…"

"The _guards_ attacked you? The famous ones that are nine feet tall, half bull and have horns that can pierce steel?" Well that was impossible. Why would they attack a harmless gardener? The poor man must be going delusional from his wounds.

Said man coughed up blood, spat to one side, and then slumped out of Ike's arms to the ground, where he lay moaning.

"I'll get help for you. But I'm busy right now; I have a princess to rescue." The man just moaned. Ike got back on his horse. If the man was a gardener, he hadn't done a very good job. There were weeds in the road, and they writhed as if alive. What kind of weeds did that? Ike took out his sword, and rode forward, cutting down the peculiar weeds as he went, in order to make it neat and tidy. He considered it a respect paid to the gardener, who was obviously in too ill health to finish the job.


	3. Chapter 3

Marth couldn't believe his eyes. Only a week ago there had been that man in black armour, (who was just an intruder), but here was his knight, at last! He must be a true professional, Marth thought, knowing to cut down the Jurjian plants when they were writhing. Because if he had waited the plants would have spewed out that horrible green gas that killed anyone nearby as soon as they drew breath. With his silver armour shining in the sunlight he rode forwards through the gap created by the guards' rampage the previous week, straight towards the fortress. And he even rode a white unicorn, Marth thought, amazed, as he looked at the horse through his telescope. It had the horn on its forehead and everything. At last! He must change into his best dress immediately!

He ran to the nearest wardrobe and fished around until he found the floating blue dress that was exactly the same light blue as his hair. In haste he pulled it on, tightening the corset and admiring the soft layered fabric that flowed all the way to the floor, and the translucent sleeves that softly brushed against his arms when he moved them. The neckline was a wide u-shape, with sapphires stitched into the thin section of lace that lined it. He went to the drawers next and drew out a matching sapphire tiara before looking at himself in the mirror. Perfect. But then he saw the edge of the mirror, the beautiful golden gilt covering the handcrafted wood beneath. Looking around he saw the soft pink walls, the large elegant wardrobes, and he thought of his luxurious bath. Did he really want to leave after all?

o

Roy watched the other man ride past on his deformed horse and cursed himself for being so pathetic about his injuries. They hurt, but they were not unbearable, and now that man was going to get _his_ princess! No, it would not do! His honour demanded that the man who wanted his princess be slain, and the princess rescued from her horrible fate! He stood but just then the remains of his undergarments slipped away, leaving him bare to the elements. Maybe he would save the princess later. He needed to get some clothes on first, so that he would look decent and attractive again. Shivering a little in the breeze, he turned and limped in the other direction.

o

The bridge over the Lake of Darkness was fast approaching and Ike slowed his horse to survey the danger. It seemed alright, and he was about to urge his horse over it when he realised that there was a stone in his boot. He dismounted and pulled off his boot to get the stone out, vaguely aware that a shadow was falling over him – probably another cloud passing over the sun, bloody Eloausian weather. The stone came out and he looked up, about to put his boot back on… and promptly yelled as a gigantic creature rose from the Lake of Darkness, looking something akin to a gigantic centipede, and moaned in a deep, unearthly voice, "_I am-_"

But Ike wasn't intending to hang around to hear the 'going to eat you'. Terrified, he fumbled with his boot and accidentally dropped it in the lake. Panicking, he then clambered back on his horse and kicked it forwards, not stopping to think why the doors to the fortress were opening up in front of him as he rode towards them, nor, once he was inside, why they closed behind him of their own accord.

o

How did he know? Marth gaped as his knight in shining armour flung his boot into the lake, answering the Giant Centipede's riddle even before it had finished speaking. He was such an _expert_. Had he saved other damsels in distress too? For a while he was enchanted by the idea, and then he realised if it was true the knight must have several wives. He didn't like the idea of sharing his knight in shining armour with anybody. His smile turned into a frown as he watched the knight face the courtyard.

o

Having checked that he was still alive, Ike now turned his attention to the courtyard in front of him. Sensing danger, he dismounted. The tower was in his sights; just an easy walk across the courtyard and he would be fine.

The courtyard, too, was badly gardened, Ike thought as he began to walk across it, leaving his horse behind. There were bits of grass pushing their way through the stones and large cows were grazing on it, mooing contentedly. Bulls crossed with men? No, just bulls and men, not crossed at all. Off to one side he could hear the men as they chatted around a table, boasting about some red-headed guy they had left in little more than his underpants. Ike thought briefly of the gardener. No, it couldn't be. Why would they beat up their own gardener?

Suddenly the paving stone beneath his right foot jerked to one side, causing him to fall over. But the stone seemed to have jammed in the process, and nothing happened. Nervous, he ran the rest of the way to the tower. Then once there he looked up and saw a face, far away, looking down at him. 3052 steps, so he'd heard. He would die of exhaustion to attempt that in a hurry, he was sure. There had to be another way. And then something occurred to him. _The princess has long hair, so long that it is the height of the tower she is trapped in!_ The drunken man at the bar had said that. What if it was true?

o

Marth looked down. The tower was tall, so very tall…but there was his knight, looking up at him. The courtyard was riddled with booby-traps, yet it seemed that by stepping on a faulty stone he had jammed the badly maintained mechanics behind the whole system. Such a genius! As for the guards, they were preoccupied at the moment, not noticing the handsome knight who now looked up at him. Once again he felt apprehensive about leaving the tower. Everything was so familiar and comforting – did he really want to leave to join this man and his many other wives?


	4. Chapter 4

He thought to address her by her first name would be too informal, so instead he called, "Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!"

There was a moment of silence. "Are you _kidding?_"

Nervous that the guards would hear him, he called back, "It'll be easier than me climbing up all those stairs."

"It'll _ruin_ my hair!"

_3052 steps gives you very sweaty armpits, _came to mind. "It'll be a lot easier, please!" Ike persisted. He didn't want to be sweaty when he met the princess.

"Do you _know_ how long my hair takes to _wash_?"

"You'll have plenty of time to wash it once you're free!" Ike smiled.

"I like it here!" she replied. Ike frowned. That wasn't how he'd imagined their first conversation. He went round the side of the tower and tried the door. Locked. Firmly. He returned back to where he was standing before.

"The door's locked!"

"You'll just have to go then!"

"This may be the only chance you have to leave the tower!" he pleaded. She took a moment to consider this.

"How many wives have you got exactly?"

"What? None!"

This was followed by a barely discernible, "Oh."

"Please, hurry!" A long pause. Ike shifted nervously on the spot.

"Get out of the way and don't you _dare_ look up my dress!" she yelled. Moments later she was climbing down the side of the tower; having anchored the end of her plait somewhere inside the room she now used it as a rope to lower herself down. After a long and painful wait she was standing in front of him. She tried to walk away from the tower but her hair held her fast. Without thinking, Ike drew his sword and cut her free, giving her an instant bob. Her eyes widened in horror.

"My hair!" she screeched. This time the guards fell silent and Ike heard footsteps. Casting an anxious glance over at the direction of the sound he grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the horse before lifting her onto it, ignoring her protests at being so roughly handled. Then he got on behind her and quickly spurred the horse onwards. After a while she seemed to recover from the shock of losing so much hair and said,

"You have a beautiful unicorn!"

"Unicorn? You call this thing a unicorn? She's an inbred disaster with a skull malfunction!" he called back, urging the so called inbred disaster into a gallop as he sped out of the fortress and across the bridge.

"You're my knight in shining armour!" she exclaimed, ignoring his comment, holding tightly onto him so that she wouldn't fall off.

"_Knight?_ How dare you! I'm a _lord, _I'll have you know. I'm only wearing this horrid silver thing because my black armour had hinge issues!" he informed her. "I hate silver! My mother's cabinets were full of it – so boring and monochrome, always 'look but don't touch, dear'. Very irritating."

She seemed taken aback by his revelation, and was silent as the inbred disaster reached the road of Pain and Destruction. As they passed by all the beheaded weeds, she said,

"You're very smart you know, to know to cut of the heads of the Jurjian plants."

"The what?"

"_Jurjian _plants!"

He assumed she meant the weeds. "How is that clever? I was just neatening up the road to finish the job of the poor gardener."

"What? We don't have a gardener!"

"But there was a man in just tattered undergarments lying at the start of the road…"

"He's that intruder that came riding towards the fortress about a week ago! The guards took him down."

"But I thought he got injured because he had been trying to cut down the thorns?" Ike cried, slowing down the inbred disaster to a steady canter.

"No – the guards cut down the thorns to get to him! They're kind of stupid!" She frowned. "So you thought you were just… _weeding_?"

"Yeah." He shrugged.

"What about the Giant Centipede? How did you know the answer to the riddle without even having to hear it?"

"What riddle?"

"The riddle! Where you have to throw your boot into the lake to stop him from eating you," she explained, sounding worried at his ignorance.

"I had a stone in my shoe! I took it off to remove the stone, I saw the beast, panicked, and _dropped_ it in the lake!"

"But, but…" she struggled inwardly for a moment and then said, "And what about the courtyard? How did you know standing on that faulty paving stone would jam the mechanics of all the booby-traps?"

"I didn't! It was a fluke!" he acknowledged easily as they approached the end of the road.

o

Marth panicked. It couldn't be true. Perhaps this Lord was just being modest. He couldn't have saved him by… by _chance_. No, that wasn't how the stories went! This wasn't the fairy tale he was after. The knight was meant to get the princess after showing wit and giving amazing displays of strength and perseverance! He choked back tears and hit the man's back with all the effort he could muster.

"Take me back to the tower! I don't like you!"

The horse didn't slow. "Well you're mine now anyway. You don't have to like me."

Marth was confused. "What? But aren't we going to get married?"

"Are you _kidding_?" The man laughed. "I'm going to hold you hostage and only give you back for all the money I can get."

"Wh-what?" he croaked, beginning to cry. "Wh-why?"

"Oh for goodness' sake." The horse came to an abrupt halt and the man got off before taking rope out of a saddle pack and tying it around Marth's wrists, and then tying a gag around his mouth.

"Name's Ike, by the way," he told him as he got back on the horse.


	5. Chapter 5

Roy, using his title as a point of authority, had gained some simple clothes from an inn lady, and had been questioning the locals at the market to see if they had spotted a man on a white deformed horse going by. He had been told that such a person had indeed been seen with a pretty lady sitting behind him, and they had been heading west, towards the Manor of Fortitude where the Lord Ike was known to reside. He had also asked, and been told, that despite his terrible ordeal his hair looked decent and he was, as ever, very handsome with his red hair and muscles.

It was only a short walk to the Manor of Fortitude, just a little way past the Gates of Hopelessness which were guarded by the Hounds of Despair. Then the Winding Footpath of Loss lead up to the manor whose front door was guarded by ninjas trained in Edgleadian acupuncture (a form of torture). Having conquered all these obstacles, he would duel Ike for the Princess Martha Rapunzel and dispatch the pesky man with a swift chop to the neck. She would naturally be extremely grateful, and fall instantly and deeply in love with him. And then he would save the beautiful princess, marry her, and live happily ever after.

Firstly, the Gates of Hopelessness. He approached them carefully, noticing a bright red paving stone a few feet in front of it. First he tried the Gates themselves, trying to climb over them, crawl under them, and even slip between the bars. When all manners of getting past the Gates eluded him he examined the red paving stone and quickly realised that if he stood on it the Gates opened. Excited, he dashed for the Gates, only to have them close in front of him just as he reached them, as he couldn't keep his weight on the stone in order to hold the Gates open while he went through them. He tried again, this time lying on the ground, one foot pushing down the paving stone while he stretched a hand towards the gate to hold them open when he took his foot away. The only consequence of this was a crushed hand, and he was still unable to get through the Gates. It was hopeless, and he sunk to the ground outside the Gates, wishing he could think of a way to get in. For a long time he managed to keep his hopes up, trying to get through again and again, but eventually he despaired.

At this point, the Hounds of Despair began to howl. There were seven of them, and they all howled this terrible clashing, screeching note that made Roy want to shiver, throw up, and cry all at the same time. They emphasised his sense of despair, and in turn, his increasing despair increased their howling. There was something so hollow and cavernous about the sound, as if it wished to devour his soul, and leave him a broken man. It seemed like, as it had been for the fortress, Roy had failed miserably at the first hurdle.

*

Ike entered the bedroom where he was keeping Martha, bearing a silver tray with soup and fresh bread on it. He put it in front of Martha and sat down beside her. Her eyes were red from crying, and she didn't respond. Feeling a bit sorry for her, he told her about the week he had spent heading to the fortress, hoping to amuse her with tales of how he had to trade his beautiful black stallion for that horrid inbred disaster, and then had to swap his lovely lord's black armour for a lower value silver knight's one. But she seemed horrified to discover this, and didn't reply to any of his tales. Eventually, resigned, he stood to leave the room, but turned when he heard her voice, saying,

"Why don't you love me?" This whole situation evidently wasn't what she had expected at all. What did she think life was, a fairytale?

"Princess Rapunzel, even if I wasn't holding you hostage for cash, I wouldn't love you anyway, no matter how beautiful you are. I'm gay."

There was a long silence following this, and he guessed she was shocked. He was wrong. What she eventually said was, "What's gay?"

Shaking his head at her ignorance, he left her alone to eat her soup.

*

Roy sat by the Gates of Hopelessness for a long time, when suddenly they gave way behind him, opening even though he wasn't sitting on the paving stone. Excited, he hurried through, and would only much later consider his extreme stupidity regarding the fact that to get in, all he needed was something or someone else to stand on the red paving stone while he went through, a service an innocent passer-by had unknowingly provided.

But as soon as he was through the Gates the Hounds of Despair showed their second use, ripping his clothes from him with their sharp teeth, inflicting yet more cuts on him. He ran from them up the Winding Footpath of Loss, finally leaving them behind in little more than tattered undergarments.

The Winding Footpath of Loss was littered with gravestones, and the very ground seemed to moan beneath his feet. It was growing dark already, and he was sure he could hear whispers behind his back, but whenever he turned around there was nothing there. He followed the path on and on, trudging onwards despite the spookiness of it. When he finally looked up, he jumped. The manor had completely disappeared. Where had it gone? Had he taken a wrong turning? How was that possible – there was only one path to follow. He ran and ran, but the path just wound on and on through the gravestones, no manor in sight. Tired after a few minutes, he longed to stop and rest, but all the gravestones made the atmosphere so creepy fear spurred him on and on, until finally he collided with thin air. It was only thin air for a few seconds, and then the front door materialised in front of him. Only much later would he realise that had he simply stepped off the path, the manor would have appeared, for it was only the spooky footpath that made the manor appear invisible, or lost, as befitting its title, the Winding Footpath of Loss.

His only success, the ninjas trained in Edgleadian acupuncture. He received a few, excruciating needles in his back, but managed to dispatch them with his sword, and wandered around the outside of the house until he saw light in a window. With extreme effort due to the pain the needles in his back caused him, he threw a stone at the window, and presently the curtain was drawn back and the window opened.

"Who goes there?" came the voice.

"It is me, Lord Roy! I have tried so hard to get here, and now I have arrived! Oh Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! Then I can climb up to your window and save you from this peril!"

"Where is your shining silver armour, your white unicorn?"

"Does it matter, your highness? Lord Ike had both and he is no good!"

She frowned, considering this. "I have no hair to let down, good sir!" she cried at last, sticking her head fully out the window so that he could see her bob.

"My god, what has he done to you? Run down to the door, let me in!" he pleaded. Her pretty face vanished from the window, and presently the front door opened and they stood face to face.

"Are you my saviour?" she asked.

"Yes, I am here to whisk you away and marry you!" he cried, taking her in his arms and kissing her passionately.

"Oh thank you, thank you!" she said once he had let her go.

"Come, let's go now, my beauty!"

He swept her up in his arms and carried her away.

*

"No! Martha!" Ike cried, searching the bedroom. Her soup lay untouched on the bed, and there was no sign of her anywhere. The window was open, had she climbed out and escaped? But it couldn't be, this bedroom was too high up to jump out of, and she had no hair to lower herself down with anymore. He raced from the bedroom into his bedroom and looked out the window. There – at the end of the path! Someone was carrying her – Lord Roy? How dare he?

"My money!" he screamed, racing for his coat. "My ransom, my fortune!" Then he fled out the front door and after them.

*


	6. Chapter 6

Back in Roy's manor, Roy had ordered the servants prepare a feast, and while he waited for it to be cooked, he sat with Martha at the end of the long dining table and talked to her. Well, he intended to talk to her, but it was her that butted in first with a question.

"Lord Roy, what does 'gay' mean?"

"Gay?" A frown of distaste crossed his face. "They are filthy people; they should not be talked about, or even thought of. Why do you ask?"

"Lord Ike said '_Princess Rapunzel, even if I wasn't holding you hostage for cash, I wouldn't love you anyway, no matter how beautiful you are. I'm gay._'"

"I'm not surprised he is, horrid man. But was he really holding you hostage for cash? My god, I had thought him bad at heart, but even _I _had credited him with better intentions than _that_."

"Yes, that's what he said, he was holding me hostage. He was scary. But he wore silver armour and rode a white unicorn, and I just don't understand, because that was what my saviour was meant to look like."

Roy laughed at her innocence. "And do you think _I _am bad?"

"No, no, you are wonderful," she cried, her eyes sparkling with joy.

"Well when I first headed for the fortress where you were being held, I wore shining black armour and rode a black stallion, you know. So you see, appearances can be deceptive."

She paled at this remark, and he frowned in response, and placed a loving hand on her arm. "I did not mean to put it so slyly. I meant only that just because I wore black armour and rode a black horse does not mean I am a bad person."

"Oh. But if you have a tail doesn't that make you a mermaid and if you have wings doesn't that make you an angel? So why doesn't having black armour and riding a black horse made you a bad man?"

"You may have a tail but you might not like water, you might have wings but not be angelic. Black armour only signifies that the wearer is a Lord, not that they are a bad person."

"Oh." She looked a little confused. Presently the servants filed in and placed the starter course in front of them, and Roy replied through a mouthful of prawns,

"Were you brought up with nothing but fairytales?"

"Yes!" she nodded enthusiastically. "How did you know?"

Roy just sighed. Was stupidity the price to pay for beauty? And was she truly that beautiful? Roy thought for a moment. There had been something strange about her as she had said it, something briefly different about the jaw and the cheekbones, something almost…masculine.

*

Ike ran as fast as he could, but Roy and his hostage were soon lost from sight. He cursed himself for leaving Martha alone in the bedroom. If he had been of a different persuasion he would surely not have left her alone in the bedroom, but he wasn't that way inclined, and now his latest plan for gaining a fortune had gone awry. Curse these hectic streets! He would never find them now! His only hope was to head for Roy's manor, and hope that Roy had intended to return there with his hostage.

It was now quite dark apart from the streetlamps, which barely illuminated anything except the poles that supported them, and often Ike found himself stumbling through puddles or slipping in mud. But he would not give up, he had a will of iron, and that money _would_ be his. He picked up the pace, his not lacking muscles already tiring with the excursion.

*

After dinner Marth followed Roy upstairs, and wondered where he would be sleeping tonight. Naturally he would be marrying him tomorrow, so tonight would be the last night he slept alone. He was still a little unnerved about realising that the man he had called intruder not so long ago, the man who had worn the black armour and had been reduced to his underpants by the guards of the tower, was this Lord Roy who seemed so good and kind to him. If only he had worn silver armour and ridden a white unicorn like the other man, then he could rest assured. However, he still hoped for his happily ever after, with an amazing wedding and lots of little children. The thought made him smile.

But he was soon made nervous as instead of being shown to a separate room, Roy lead him into his own room, and then began to kiss him strongly in a way he did not like.

"Stop!"

"What is wrong?"

"What are you doing?"

"What couples do!" he said, kissing him again. Marth thought a moment.

"But doesn't that happen after the wedding?" Roy thought for a moment.

"I suppose it does. But you don't mind if I have a _look_ at you, do you?"

"Here I am." Marth was very puzzled. What was Roy getting at? His naivety made him even more shocked when Roy ripped at his clothes and left him naked. He blushed and tried to turn his face away, but he couldn't hide under his long hair anymore, and he saw Roy's horrified expression.

"You're a, you're a…" He was backing away in horror. Marth, terrified, looked down at himself, but he seemed to look as normal as he thought he should. Quickly he pulled his dress back on, though slightly torn, it was still wearable.

"You're…" Roy seemed to be at a loss for words.

"What's wrong?" Tears filled his eyes. Was he so very ugly? He began to cry. But Roy only swore, in a way that a well-bred Lord never should.

"To think I actually _kissed_ you," he said, spitting to one side. "No wonder you looked strange for a moment at the dinner table…"

Marth, completely uncomprehending, backed away into one corner of the room and knelt in the corner, watching the enraged Roy pace the room. Then finally Roy managed to say what was horrifying him so much.

"You're… a _boy._" And then, at the effort of finally expressing himself, he sat on the bed, exhausted.

"I…" _This_ was what Roy objected to? But how was being a boy wrong? Marth, sobbing, finished fastening the remains of his dress and stood up, his grief turning into anger.

"I have always been a boy! Didn't you _know_? But you rescued me and now… now you hate me! I don't understand! _I don't understand!_"

Roy was equally confused. "But you're a princess!" he exclaimed. "You had long hair… you look like a girl!"

"I _am_ a princess. I am pretty and I was locked in a tower and waiting for a knight to come and save me! Doesn't that make me a princess?"

"You idiot!" Roy swore. "Remember when I said wearing black armour didn't make me a bad person? Being locked in a tower with long hair _does not make you a princess!_"

"But…then…"

Roy was standing now, he had recovered, and he was heading for the door. Marth could see he was about to leave, to abandon him, possibly for ever. No happily ever after. No marriage. No love.

"What am I then?" he asked. But Roy had already left.

*


	7. Chapter 7

Ike had almost reached the manor. Unlike his own, this manor had only one defence – The Gates of Good Intention.

The Gates were tall, plain and silver in colour, not really marked by anything apart from Lord Roy's personal crest – a heart with a crack down the centre. When the Gates opened, the crack down the centre of the heart spilt, allowing the Gates to open. Underneath the crest was a plaque with the following words engraved onto it:

_Announce your intentions to the Gate_

_Only goodness enters here_

_Your state of heart decides your fate_

_The Gates will know when you're sincere_

Well that seemed simple enough. Ike faced the Gates straight on and declared,

"I am going to the manor to get Princess Rapunzel and hold her hostage for the fortune of a lifetime!" He waited, and waited, and waited.

The Gates didn't open.

He repeated his statement again, but to the same effect. He tried again and again until he was hoarse, but the Gates never opened for him. In his mind there was nothing wrong with what he had said. If he had money he could live in wealth and luxury, and that was a good thing, surely? A good intention? Not understanding why it wasn't working, Ike sat down outside the Gates and closed his eyes briefly, resting. It had been a long walk to get there, trailing Roy, who often dodged out of sight and down shortcuts where Ike would have had no chance of following unnoticed. He shuffled uncomfortably on the pavement, trying to find the best spot. In his mind he pictured the prize he strived for – the Princess Martha, and all the money he would get for her return.

*

Marth watched as Lord Roy left. Moments later, he saw Lord Ike appear, and watched as he tried to enter through the Gates. Roy had been able to enter the Gates, because he _had_ intended to marry Marth, to love him to his dying day… except Marth was a boy, and that was the problem. A he. A him. A man.

He left the window and walked to the mirror. There was nothing wrong with him that he had ever known of. But then he had lived alone for so long – no one else had given him their opinion and he had never asked anyone for it. His dress was torn down the front where Roy had ripped it, and the top half of his pale chest lay bare. Self-conscious of himself he managed to find some string off his damaged corset and used it to tie the front of the damaged dress together as best he could. If he wasn't a princess, what was he? A nobody? Just someone who happened to get locked in a tower? All he knew was that not being the King's son meant he got locked up in a tower, and being a boy meant that the charming Lord Roy wouldn't marry him. He returned to the window.

That Ike down there, he had wanted to hold him hostage. And return him back to the tower for money. His mother's, in all likelihood. She would come and take him, and he would be okay for a few moments, safe in her arms, her barely remembered, softly embracing arms… Tears rolled down Marth's cheeks unchecked. And then the King would put him in the tower again, as punishment for not being his son. But he couldn't stay here in Roy's house. It was Roy's house, and at some point Roy would be coming back, and then he would throw Marth out. Taking a deep breath, he wandered to the door. Time to leave, for whatever lay beyond. Time to go.

*

From beyond the Gates Ike heard someone crying. He was almost asleep, so tired he thought it was part of a passing dream, but after a while his eyelids fluttered open and he looked around. And there, right at the top of the long path leading from the Gates to Roy's manor, the Princess Martha Rapunzel. Why was she crying? When she cried she looked so completely different. That gentle naivety was gone from her face, something about it seemed to have given-up, resigned. Strange, he could have sworn Roy intended to marry her, and that was what Princess Rapunzel wanted, wasn't it? But this new Martha looked haggard, almost _ugly_. Yes, something of her femininity had gone, to a degree she looked almost like a man. A pretty sort of man, but there was definitely something unfeminine about her now. He felt so sorry for her, so very sorry, and something else he couldn't quite place…

"Let me in, Gates! Let me comfort her!" he whispered. And in that brief moment he completely forgot himself and charged through the opening Gates towards her. In his haste, he would never see that as the Gates had opened, instead of the heart shaped crest splitting down the cracked centre as it normally did, it would merge strangely into two separate new hearts, each of them whole and missing the central crack.

*

Marth looked up as he heard footsteps coming towards him. It was Lord Ike, he had managed to get through the Gates. He couldn't think about what this meant, but he noticed that something about the Lord rushing towards him that wasn't the same as the Lord he had met before. Why did he look so concerned? His expression was totally transformed. There was something about him that seemed to have gained purpose, grown stronger, and yet with this there was a touch of gentle naivety that hadn't been there before. Strange, he could have sworn Ike intended to capture him for money, but there was no trace of this on his face. It was open, readable, almost childish. His eyes were wider, his whole face almost softer, almost slightly feminine. Something like hopefulness lifted his spirits, something like hopefulness, and something else he couldn't quite place…

And then there he was, armourless, unicornless, just Ike's soft cotton top against his cheek, his voice soothing him. Without really thinking about it, Marth's arms fastened themselves around Ike's neck, an unconscious gesture that he wanted protection and comfort, and needed, if only for a while, to be taken care of, nurtured, loved.

"What's wrong?" Ike muttered, repeating the question gently when Marth didn't reply. But he couldn't reply, couldn't bear to tell him that he was a boy, didn't want to ruin this moment, as it surely would. Didn't want to feel the cold grass beneath his back when Ike pushed him away, didn't want to be left alone again. And then Ike lifted him, and carried him down the path and away from the manor. Marth was glad. He didn't want to see that place ever again.

*


	8. Chapter 8

Ike was up already. It was only 5am in the morning, the sun not yet shining, but there was a lot on his mind, and he wanted to think it over before Marth woke up. The main thought, of course, was Marth's revelation that he was a boy. Marth, not Martha, a prince, not a princess. Of course, when it came to ransom, it didn't matter at all, his mother would still want him back. But Ike felt so sorry for him. It wasn't his fault he knew so little of the world, not his fault that he had never known homophobia, or felt such sharp rejection. He remembered Marth waiting in silence after his revelation, almost cowering, as if he expected Ike to attack him or something. Though Ike hadn't, he gathered that Roy must have done something of the sort, or Marth surely wouldn't have felt so guilty about saying he was a boy. Ike sighed. He had known Roy as a young boy, but they had stopped being friends when Ike admitted he was gay, and ever since he had developed a pet hatred of homophobia. Why should Marth have been put down for just being a boy? Ok, so it was hardly going to be happily ever after as Roy was straight, but did that mean he had to be so downright cruel? Just the thought that he might have fancied this girl that was a guy must have sent him into a panic.

Ike paced the length of the kitchen yet again, trying to work out what to do next. He still wanted to get the money but now he was having qualms as to whether to give Marth up. Marth was going to need some time just to be himself. He'd been hauled around, deceived, and abandoned. He deserved a bit of a break. Ike frowned, unwilling to acknowledge that in his heart, he already knew he could never allow Marth to be re-imprisoned in the tower.

*

Marth woke late, and still sleepy staggered out of bed and downstairs. The bed had been soft and luxurious, and for a long moment he thought he had been back in the tower where it had all started. But no, he was in Ike's house, it was a new day and time for breakfast.

Downstairs, he found Ike already eating, and while he held the spoon in one hand he gestured with the other to where the cereals were and Marth helped himself to some cornflakes. Inside he still felt shaky and insecure, but he managed to eat breakfast without feeling ill, and they both walked through into the lounge and dining room where Marth sat down. He was still wearing the blue dress he had picked out so long ago, and clasped his hands nervously as Ike began to speak.

"I think you ought to change clothes," he started. "I don't own any dresses, so you'll just have to borrow some of my things. Besides, that dress needs mending."

"Um… ok," Marth agreed quietly.

"I'll go grab you some stuff. It might be a bit long, I think I'm taller than you."

Without waiting for a response Ike headed upstairs and returned presently with some clothes. "You can go and change in the bathroom."

A few minutes later Marth came back down the stairs, feeling odd in trousers and a shirt and waistcoat. He looked at Ike anxiously, who just nodded his approval, seeming thoughtful. He wanted to ask if he was still going to be kept hostage, but decided to avoid the subject, afraid of what he might hear. Instead he asked,

"What is gay?"

To his surprise, Ike didn't frown or look disgusted. But then he had said he _was_ gay, so he wouldn't.

"It means I fancy guys rather than girls."

"Oh. Why…" He swallowed. "Why was Roy so disgusted when I told him that you were gay?"

"It's seen as unnatural," Ike replied simply.

"So gay is, um… bad?"

"In some people's opinions." An awkward silence followed. "But never mind that," Ike said eventually. "Come on, let's go shopping."

*

He still wasn't quite sure what had made him do it, but the shopping trip had been a success, Ike thought to himself as he sat in his study later that afternoon. They had bought bracelets and shoes, and some clothes that actually fit Marth. After years of wearing dresses, trousers were a bit strange for him, but Ike found that he could be persuaded to wear trousers if they were baggy enough to almost be skirts.

Right now, Marth would be sitting on the sofa in the part of the lounge directly below his study, and going through the day's shopping. Ike could almost picture his enchanted face as he examined each item in turn, admiring their newness, and enjoying the new experience of shopping in his memory.

He still remembered how only yesterday he had run up that path to Marth, that grieved, lonesome Marth. Where some of the soft femininity he had left him and made him look more like the man he was. Picturing his upset face even now turned Ike's heart. Funny, how if he had looked more feminine, Ike might have been completely disinterested in him, but that day, when Marth had first revealed a harsher, masculine edge of himself, Ike had felt sorry for him, but also for the first time… though of course he had brushed it aside as it was totally inappropriate for that moment… he had felt… Oh _no_… Ike put a hand on his forehead and shook his head slowly. Oh _no_…God help him.

He found Marth attractive.

*

Marth had changed into the new pear of baggy grey trousers they had bought that day and a clean blue shirt. It was very kind of Ike to buy him those things, even though he was surely still going to hold him ransom, and eventually send him off back to the tower. He sighed. If only he had been a girl then Roy might have married him and he might have had a perfect life. But he had to be a boy, and now no man would ever want him… And then he suddenly realised something. He had wanted to be saved by a knight all along. A _male_ knight. Which must mean… that he was gay. _It means I fancy guys rather than girls. _That's what Ike had said. Marth fit that description, which meant he was gay. And then he realised – for another man to love him he would _also_ have to be gay. Which Roy wasn't, it now dawned on him. But what knight was? 'Gay' wasn't a term mentioned in any of the fairy tales he had read. Did that mean there was no fairytale ending for him? Just then Ike appeared in the doorway, more nervous than Marth had ever seen him. What had happened?

"What's wrong?" Marth asked."

"Oh nothing, nothing," Ike replied. But his voice was too high, it sounded forced. And then suddenly he took three large paces and sat down on the sofa next to Marth, and he spoke in a rush, saying, "I'mnotgoingtoholdyouransom."

"What?"

"I…" Ike paused a moment before replying, "I'm not going to hold you ransom."

"You're not?"

"No."

"But…" Marth thought for a moment. "Then what's going to happen to me?"

"I, that is, I realised…" Ike sighed, and there was something tense in his manner than infected Marth instantly.

"What is it?"

"When we were shopping you were so happy." It seemed like he was going to continue, but when he didn't, Marth prompted,

"Yes, it was fun. But what are you saying?"

"And, um…" Ike took a deep breath. "Itmademehappyseeingyouhappy."

"Um…" Ike looked so charming like that, Marth realised, even though he hadn't caught a word of what he'd just said. He looked really sensitive. And he had been really helpful in shopping too, pointing out what suited Marth without being too pushy, always being supportive and giving Marth enough confidence to ask an assistant if they had any of a particular shirt in his size. Marth liked Ike, he realised. And he also realised that only yesterday when Ike had run up that path towards him, looking so concerned for his well-being, he had felt hopeful, but also for the first time… though of course he had brushed it aside as it was totally inappropriate for that moment… he had felt… But he didn't have the words for it.

"I feel strange Ike," he murmured. Then without warning Ike leant towards him, leaning in until his face was only a few centimetres away from Marth's.

"Ike?"

And then Ike bent his neck and brushed his lips gently against Marth's. Then he left them there, without moving, just breathing deeply. After a few moments he began to move away again, but with an odd start Marth suddenly realised that this was what he wanted, and he pushed his lips harder onto Ike's, pleasantly thrilled when he discovered that this was what Ike wanted too. And then Ike put his arms around him and drew him closer, and Marth responded, his hand finding Ike's chest, feeling his heart beating strongly beneath. And he realised he didn't care what happened next, that he was just happy to be in this moment, feeling loved.

*

It turned out that Ike _did _get the money he had initially craved – by returning to the tower and cutting the rest of Marth's hair down, which he sold to a royal fanatic for a great fortune. With it he bought a homely country manor near the coast, married Marth, and over the years they adopted five children. They also set up a large building to house all manner of unfortunately deformed animals, Marth's suggestion after he found out the true history of his 'unicorn'. As for the original beloved mare, she was named Id, which only Ike ever knew, and thankfully Marth never realised, stood for Inbred Disaster.

And they lived happily ever after.

THE END.


End file.
